12am thoughts 

Today I came home early from work because anxiety caused me to throw up. I thought to myself, there’s nothing to be anxious about and the more I thought that the more anxious I became. Sometimes I won’t be able to sleep because thoughts are spinning through my mind. I will lay in bed and feel like I’m drowning. I like to be thought of as strong however sometimes I need people to see the weak side of me and to be shown I’m cared about, and I’ve realised that’s okay. It’s okay to be stressed about little things someone else might not be stressed about, it’s okay to not want to talk about it, sometimes you have to take a break for a minute and think what do I want? What do I need? What makes me happy? And do it.

I recently went through a break up and a month on I want to be loved again, I want someone to look at me the way I used to be looked at. I want someone to talk to me throughout the day about nothing, but to still be interested in what I’m saying. I don’t want arguments, I just want love. I want for someone to stare into my eyes and tell me they love me, to stop me mid rant and tell me they love me. I want to feel loved again, not stressed, not like I’m drowning. I’ve realised that’s okay to want that, it’s not desperate, it’s accepting what you want. 

The media heavily focusses on couples and love which I believe puts a lot of pressure on girls to want unreal expectations. Yes, maybe there will be someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve but it’s hard to find when constantly girls will be used and just accept it, it’s not right, this is not okay, girls shouldn’t be made to feel like objects for a mans satisfaction in the twenty first century. It’s wrong. 

Sometimes I think to myself I just need to escape, I need to clear my head and get my thoughts in order and tackle each problem step by step. I’ve accepted I’m not the most clever student however I’m not dumb either – despite being blonde – I really hate it when people expect you to be over something or expect you to have sorted what was wrong in a matter of days, sometimes it takes longer and my bellas, that’s okay, I want you to learn to accept how you deal with your problems, everything will be okay. 

Little Blonde Italian

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